8) Write about something you are grateful to your body for allowing you to do.
Okay, I'm in a crappy head space and I'm just gonna roll with it. My agoraphobia stops me from doing anything outside, and my depression stops me from doing things like showering daily and cleaning my apartment. However, I am extremely grateful that when my brain chemistry isn't ass, my body allows me to do those things. I can move my furniture at a whim, I can garden for ten hours, I can walk to the grocery store... I'm lucky that my body allows me to do those things. I don't have to worry about handicap access at restaurants, or sneaking a grocery cart home from Giant. I'm in a shit head space, but maybe focusing on what I can physically do when I'm mentally better will help me feel better. I actually think that's kind of working. I'm 100% against telling people "You should be glad things aren't worse," but in this instance I think that needs to be how I look at things.
9) Express your appreciation for a source of support in your life.
I live in an apartment building that my dad owns. I live here rent free. The only thing he asks me to do it keep up the yard work and keep the hall clean. And since June 2014, I haven't been able to do the yard work, but he has given me no shit about it. My dad also gives me $250 a week, and he pays for my medication. My dad doesn't hold this over my head or ever throw it in my face. He makes sure to tell me that I'm not a burden, that he is happy to make sure that I have a home and food and health care. It's a source of shame for me that I can't take care of myself, but I am deeply grateful that my father is able and willing to take care of me until I'm doing better. He can be a fatphobic ass, but he's a good person and a wonderful father. I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for his support.
10) Share a song, poem, book, movie, or TV show that helps you feel body positive.
I legit don't have anything like this, so I'm listing blogs that make me feel body positive.
-Dances With Fat
-Tutus and Tiny Hats
-Thrift O Rama
-The Militant Baker
-Plus Size Princess
-A Fat Fox
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Mood disorder illustration
I think this illustration is fucking brilliant, especially the "mixed states" image.
I have Bipolar I. Until about three years ago, my manic and depressive episodes were each months long, leading me to be misdiagnosed as having depression. The hardest part about being re-diagnosed as bipolar was realizing that my months of amazing productivity weren't because I was amazing, but because I was manic. I still sometimes wish for a manic episode, because I'm so productive when I'm manic. However, I am more than glad to continue my search for the right medication to keep me balanced, because it isn't worth the depression to have some heightened productivity from mania.
#bodposfeb (5-7)
5) Treat yourself to a food you love.
I went to the diner near my apartment with my friend, Manny. I had chicken croquettes because I wanted to try something new and my grandmother always gets them at diners. The part of my meal that was "food I love" was canned beets and apple sauce. I usually don't have apple sauce when I eat out because I feel like it's a little kid food, but I love apple sauce. And I love canned beets so much that when I was in school and got good grades, my mother would give me a can of beets instead of money. I know it sounds kinda sad, but I seriously love me some canned beets. I think the point of today's challenge was to have a "guilty pleasure" food, but whatever whatever, I do what I want!
6) Treat yourself to an hour of self-care.
I wasn't sure what to do for this one: I'm not a pamper-y kinda person. My hair was in bad need of a trim, so I badgered my mother into cutting it for me. Having someone play with my hair is one of my top five favorite sensations, so I loved having my hair cut. Almost five inches came off, and my hair feels much healthier. The cut only took about half an hour, so I'm going to do another half an hour of self-care another day: I have a new body scrub on its way in the mail to me, and I'll exfoliate, shave my legs, and moisturize. I never, never, do these kinds of "self indulgent" things any more. Now that I can't go to school or work or even volunteer, I feel like I don't deserve relaxing moments, because why do I need to relax? Of course, being a Bipolar Agorophobic with PTSD is actually pretty damn stressful. Today's challenge was a good reminder to me that taking time to pamper my body makes me feel good, and how can that be a bad thing? I've learned my first lesson from #bodposfeb!
7) Put a quote or picture up on your mirror that makes you feel confident.
I don't really have a go-to confidence inducing quote, so I went in a slightly different direction. My quote is "then saw the tree tops, cocked her head and up and flew." It's from the song Only Skin on Joanna Newsom's album Ys. I actually plan on getting it tattooed on my bicep in the next few months. The lyric is from a part of the song in which a bird flies into a window, and a woman carries the bird to a treehouse so that her dogs won't get at it. She holds the bird in her hand, and the bird is so still that the woman thinks the bird is dead... Then it sees the trees, cocks its head, and flies away. The entire song is very soothing to me, but that line in particular reminds me that surrounding myself with plants always gives me strength; even something as simple as watering the plants in my apartment helps with my anxiety. The quote doesn't necessarily make me feel confident, but it makes me feel good.
I went to the diner near my apartment with my friend, Manny. I had chicken croquettes because I wanted to try something new and my grandmother always gets them at diners. The part of my meal that was "food I love" was canned beets and apple sauce. I usually don't have apple sauce when I eat out because I feel like it's a little kid food, but I love apple sauce. And I love canned beets so much that when I was in school and got good grades, my mother would give me a can of beets instead of money. I know it sounds kinda sad, but I seriously love me some canned beets. I think the point of today's challenge was to have a "guilty pleasure" food, but whatever whatever, I do what I want!
6) Treat yourself to an hour of self-care.
I wasn't sure what to do for this one: I'm not a pamper-y kinda person. My hair was in bad need of a trim, so I badgered my mother into cutting it for me. Having someone play with my hair is one of my top five favorite sensations, so I loved having my hair cut. Almost five inches came off, and my hair feels much healthier. The cut only took about half an hour, so I'm going to do another half an hour of self-care another day: I have a new body scrub on its way in the mail to me, and I'll exfoliate, shave my legs, and moisturize. I never, never, do these kinds of "self indulgent" things any more. Now that I can't go to school or work or even volunteer, I feel like I don't deserve relaxing moments, because why do I need to relax? Of course, being a Bipolar Agorophobic with PTSD is actually pretty damn stressful. Today's challenge was a good reminder to me that taking time to pamper my body makes me feel good, and how can that be a bad thing? I've learned my first lesson from #bodposfeb!
7) Put a quote or picture up on your mirror that makes you feel confident.
I don't really have a go-to confidence inducing quote, so I went in a slightly different direction. My quote is "then saw the tree tops, cocked her head and up and flew." It's from the song Only Skin on Joanna Newsom's album Ys. I actually plan on getting it tattooed on my bicep in the next few months. The lyric is from a part of the song in which a bird flies into a window, and a woman carries the bird to a treehouse so that her dogs won't get at it. She holds the bird in her hand, and the bird is so still that the woman thinks the bird is dead... Then it sees the trees, cocks its head, and flies away. The entire song is very soothing to me, but that line in particular reminds me that surrounding myself with plants always gives me strength; even something as simple as watering the plants in my apartment helps with my anxiety. The quote doesn't necessarily make me feel confident, but it makes me feel good.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
#bodposfeb
Tumblr user hourglassandclass has posted a list of body positive activities, one for every day in February, called #Bodposfeb; obviously, it stands for "Body Positive February." I'm late to the game but am going to jump right in! This post is for days 1-4, and I will make a post every day or two here on out. Check out the hashtag on Tumblr, and/or join in!
1) Write about why you want to do this challenge.
Honestly, for fun! I'm generally resistant to "self help" activities, but I know that they often work for me, so I start them just to have fun and let whatever lessons I learn come as they may. That way I don't feel pressured to gain some wonderful experience, I can just relax and go with the flow.
2) Take a selfie.
Eetsa me! Since I don't have a camera, there is an odd lack of pictures of me on my blog. Here I am, no makeup, hair semi-wild, trash piled up behind me on the back of my couch... But I like it any way. I think I look like someone who would be fun to hang out with.
3) Write three nice things about your body.
*I love my freckles.
*My eyesight has barely gotten worse since I was in fifth grade, which is pretty freaking awesome.
*I can garden for hours. Bending, kneeling, hoeing, digging... For hours without wearing out. I'm thankful for that.
4) Write three nice things about you that aren't physical.
*I'm honest, but I only tell harsh truths when my opinion is asked for, and I still remain respectful.
*I'm loyal.
*I write one hell of a research paper.
1) Write about why you want to do this challenge.
Honestly, for fun! I'm generally resistant to "self help" activities, but I know that they often work for me, so I start them just to have fun and let whatever lessons I learn come as they may. That way I don't feel pressured to gain some wonderful experience, I can just relax and go with the flow.
2) Take a selfie.
Eetsa me! Since I don't have a camera, there is an odd lack of pictures of me on my blog. Here I am, no makeup, hair semi-wild, trash piled up behind me on the back of my couch... But I like it any way. I think I look like someone who would be fun to hang out with.
3) Write three nice things about your body.
*I love my freckles.
*My eyesight has barely gotten worse since I was in fifth grade, which is pretty freaking awesome.
*I can garden for hours. Bending, kneeling, hoeing, digging... For hours without wearing out. I'm thankful for that.
4) Write three nice things about you that aren't physical.
*I'm honest, but I only tell harsh truths when my opinion is asked for, and I still remain respectful.
*I'm loyal.
*I write one hell of a research paper.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Fat Folk Get Love: Beth Ditto and Kristin Ogata
Beth Ditto and Kristin Ogata have been best friends since Ditto was 18. Of their relationship Ditto once said, "We just always kind of knew that we were always in love. It’s blissful, I think. It’s really sweet and perfect. I feel like it’s like so simple that it’s a miracle."
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| At Cannes, 2012 |
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| July 2013 |
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| one year anniversary |
Monday, February 2, 2015
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