#bodposfeb (19)

19) Post a picture of yourself in your favorite outfit.

I don't like using the word "love" to describe my feelings for items of clothing, but I fucking love this coat.  The hood is huge so it covers my hair without smooshing it, it's longer in the back than the front which gives it visual interest and means my ass doesn't get frozen when I sit outside, and the fabric has a really beautiful weave.

I was a little disappointed in this dress when I opened its package.  I have the Asos Curve skater dress with no sleeves in black, and with short sleeves in grey, and I'm mightily enamored of both.  This is the same cut, of course, but the fabric is cheaper.  My other dresses are a straight up jersey, and this one is similar to jersey but slinkier.  However, I like the cut so much that when I pair the dress with the coat it still qualifies as my favorite outfit.

I asked for the necklace for Christmas and was super excited to get it.  "I am I am I am" is the end of a quote from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar.  I like Plath's poetry better than I like The Bell Jar, but the quote ("I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart:  I am, I am, I am.") always makes me kind of smile and lift my head a little higher.  And I like the Out of Print company because for every purchase they donate a book to a community in need of books.

Coat, XXL- Steve Madden

Dress, 14- Asos Curve

Necklace- Out of Print

#bodposfeb (18)

18) Write about what body positivity means to you.

I don't really know where to start with this because, to me,"body positivity" is so damn self-explanatory.  I will say that what I look for when a site or article claims to be body positive is that it is inclusive of all bodies, healthy and unhealthy.  I don't care how out of shape people are, they still deserve respect and care and they are free to feel positively about their bodies.  On a more personal note, my body positivity means seeing the beauty in others' bodies, and in my own.  It is basking in the glow of exercise, but it is also rubbing my tummy after eating a bunch of ice cream.  It's simply taking joy in this body of mine, no matter what its state.  The same goes for how I try to view others: all bodies have value, no matter what they look like or what they are capable of.

#bodposfeb (15-17)

15) Share a meal with someone you love.
Had dinner with my friend Manny!  Seeing him always relaxes me and gives me the warm fuzzies.

16) Share one word that you love to use to describe your body.
You guys... My legit favorite way to describe my body is honestly "fat."  I love that it makes people so uncomfortable.  I'm not generally a provocative or combative person, but I love calling myself "fat," having the person I'm talking to start to hem and haw about how I'm not fat, and then being all, "Actually, yeah, I am pretty, but I'm also fat, and I have no problem with being fat."  Kind of my little way of saying "fuck you" to beauty standards.

17) Do something active to celebrate what your body is capable of.
I danced for about twelve years, and during that time I was incredibly flexible.  Despite being in horrible shape now, I still retain a good amount of flexibility, and exercising that always makes me feel good.  So, for today, I did some deep stretches before dancing around my living room.  Felt great!  There have been some #bodposfeb challenges that I'm going to have to keep doing, and this is definitely one of them.

#bodposfeb (14)

14) Describe your ideal relationship with your body.
Because I have mental health issues, when I think of "my body," I also think about my brain chemistry.  Hence, this post is mostly about my ideal relationship with my head-space, because I'm pretty good with my body image. 
*I want to be forgiving of my body.  When I'm clusterfucked and miserable, I don't want to cut myself, I want to be gentle with myself.  Even if I can only resist cutting for a few hours before giving in, I want to give myself those few hours.
*I want to appreciate how strong my body is, especially when my brain has me feeling weak.  I want to get up and be active a little everyday, even if I'm so depressed that anything other than being horizontal feels impossible.  My mind may have moments of weakness, but I want to remember that physically, I am always capable of action.
*I want to pamper my body.  Even, or especially, when I feel like I don't deserve it.  #bodposfeb has taught me that taking half an hour to make my body feel good makes my mind feel good.  Instead of thinking, "I didn't do anything productive today, so I don't deserve pampering," I want to remember, "Pampering myself makes me feel like I can handle being productive."  I want to be optimistic about what I can accomplish, and taking care of my body puts me in the head-space to do that.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Check out Sex Ed Plus for sex positive education.

Follow Sex Ed Plus on Tumblr for more great info graphics.

#bodposfeb (12&13)

12) Say something nice about yourself out loud in the mirror.
Well, I don't like this game.  I can be campy when talking to myself about myself, but for this I wanted to be sincere, and that made me incredibly uncomfortable.  I actually talked about this with my shrink today, and I realized that I don't really believe good things about myself unless someone else backs me up.  To look at myself and say something nice about myself out loud was hard, but it felt really good.  I actually teared up a little bit, but don't tell anyone that.
What I said was, "You're doing pretty good.  You can do better, and I believe that you will.  But you're doing good."
13) Have a dance party in your room.
Yeah, this one was hands down my favorite so far, and I'm betting it'll be my favorite at the end of the month.  I'm going to be doing this regularly from now on.
Music I played:
*All Day And All Of The Night- The Kinks
*Son Of A Preacher Man- Dusty Springfield
*Mr. Jones- Counting Crows
*Hooked On A Feeling- Blue Swede
*Hello- Me First And The Gimme Gimmes

#bodposfeb (11)

11) Write a body positive letter to your past self.
 Oooookaaaay.  This is a tough one.  Whenever I wish I knew something when I was younger, or that I had taken different actions, I remember that to imagine a different life is to imagine a different self with which to live it.  I don't want to do that; I love who I am.  I wouldn't wish to tell my younger self what was to come, because I wouldn't end up the woman that I am now.  Of course, today's challenge doesn't have to be that deep.  But I can't escape the notion that telling my past self anything would change who I am now.  The things I wish for my past self are that she had a better support system and valued herself more, but one can't just say "Value yourself!"  And telling my past self that her support system sucks doesn't change her support system.  So I don't really know what to write to my past self.  The only major blip on my body positivity journey was the few months when my weight reached 200lbs and I was miserable, but I quickly realized that I was only miserable because I was giving credence to my dad's hatred of fat people.  I wouldn't take that learning experience away from myself, because it was a great lesson in not letting the opinions of those close to me affect my view of myself.  So yeah, I don't have a body positive letter, or any other kind of letter, to write to my past self.  And I'm actually really happy about that.