Friday, June 6, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
How not to treat a person with a mental illness
I have Bipolar Disorder, which is classified as a serious mental illness (SMI). I recently read an article explaining why people with SMI have shorter life expectancies than healthy people. According to this article, SMI can take more years off of a person's life than smoking. I posted the article to my Facebook page with the note, "So basically I'm doomed," because I'm a smoker with SMI.
My friend of ten years, who is also a nurse(!), commented on my post, "Well at least it doesn't make you live longer."
This is an example of something not to say to someone with a mental illness, or any sickness really.
Have I been suicidal? Yes. Have I attempted suicide? Yes. Do I think that people with illnesses have the right to a dignified and painless death? Absolutely. Do I think that people with illnesses that cause pain, physical or mental, are glad about their shortened life spans? Hell no. We don't want shorter lives, we want to be healthy. And when the pain gets to be too much we don't hope and pray for shorter lives, we hope and pray to die. Thinking that we'd be grateful that we get to live shorter lives of desperation is insulting and incredibly stupid.
After I deleted my friend's comment I told her that it was "extremely hurtful and offensive."
And she tried to explain it away. She didn't mean this, she meant that. I give her credit for actually apologizing, but her trying to explain away the disgusting thing she said makes me think she doesn't actually understand why I'm so infuriated and upset. Her explanation backs up my assumption. The more she explained the more she just reiterated the ideas behind her original comment. Apparently, according to her, people with SMI live painful lives and she thought we'd be glad that our illnesses don't prolong our lives because that would be more time living in pain. I can understand thinking this for maybe a few seconds, or if you don't know anyone with SMI and you're trying to be sympathetic. But this woman (this nurse!) has know me for ten years. She saved my life last year by telling my parents that I needed to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation. She's also seen me since I've found an amazing doctor and medication that works really well. I can function as a healthy person for the most part, and since she sees me several times a week she has the evidence of that. But she thinks I should be glad that my life expectancy is 9-20 years shorter than a woman without Bipolar? That's bull shit. That's bull shit and it's fucked up. That's how not to treat a person with mental illness.
I let about a week go by so I could simmer down before I brought it up again. I didn't want her interrupting me with explanations so I sent her an email; basically the paragraph above. This time around went much better. I feel good about her apology and I forgive her. Hopefully someone reads this and thinks about SMI in a new way and will treat people with compassion and respect, so that something good can come from a crappy moment in my friendship.
My friend of ten years, who is also a nurse(!), commented on my post, "Well at least it doesn't make you live longer."
This is an example of something not to say to someone with a mental illness, or any sickness really.
Have I been suicidal? Yes. Have I attempted suicide? Yes. Do I think that people with illnesses have the right to a dignified and painless death? Absolutely. Do I think that people with illnesses that cause pain, physical or mental, are glad about their shortened life spans? Hell no. We don't want shorter lives, we want to be healthy. And when the pain gets to be too much we don't hope and pray for shorter lives, we hope and pray to die. Thinking that we'd be grateful that we get to live shorter lives of desperation is insulting and incredibly stupid.
After I deleted my friend's comment I told her that it was "extremely hurtful and offensive."
And she tried to explain it away. She didn't mean this, she meant that. I give her credit for actually apologizing, but her trying to explain away the disgusting thing she said makes me think she doesn't actually understand why I'm so infuriated and upset. Her explanation backs up my assumption. The more she explained the more she just reiterated the ideas behind her original comment. Apparently, according to her, people with SMI live painful lives and she thought we'd be glad that our illnesses don't prolong our lives because that would be more time living in pain. I can understand thinking this for maybe a few seconds, or if you don't know anyone with SMI and you're trying to be sympathetic. But this woman (this nurse!) has know me for ten years. She saved my life last year by telling my parents that I needed to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation. She's also seen me since I've found an amazing doctor and medication that works really well. I can function as a healthy person for the most part, and since she sees me several times a week she has the evidence of that. But she thinks I should be glad that my life expectancy is 9-20 years shorter than a woman without Bipolar? That's bull shit. That's bull shit and it's fucked up. That's how not to treat a person with mental illness.
I let about a week go by so I could simmer down before I brought it up again. I didn't want her interrupting me with explanations so I sent her an email; basically the paragraph above. This time around went much better. I feel good about her apology and I forgive her. Hopefully someone reads this and thinks about SMI in a new way and will treat people with compassion and respect, so that something good can come from a crappy moment in my friendship.
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